Just like i said, deadbeat mother...

So, my mother called around 7:45 this morning (while i was in school). I know she purposely called while i was in school so she wouldn't have to actually speak with me, so she could just leave a voiccemail. Well, in her voicemail she said that she decided she wasn't going to come to graduation afterall. She said there was too much going on, she can't find anyone to watch Jodie (eventhough the original plan was to to bring Jodie with her), and there was just too much to do so she couldn't make it to my graduation. She made it to my brother's graduation but i guess mine just isn't important enough. Honestly, this really hurts me. It's really going to hurt when i walk across stage and she isn't in the audience to support me. Personally, i think that's really messed up. This is the most important event in my life up to this point and she doesn't get that. I got my hopes up thinking that for once she could put her selfish-ness aside but i guess that i was wrong. I just think it's really fucked up and, honestly, it makes me so disgusted with her. I really don't want to talk to her anymore, it's not worth it. All she does is put me down, talk shit, and get pissy for no damn reason. I'm so tired of it. I'm so tired of all her shit. I just don't want to deal with her anymore and that's sad. I feel bad for my younger siblings but i just can't handle my mother. My grandmother is dying and i might not even be able to amek a trip because of my mother. Ugh. Why the fuck does she have to be such a bitch? I just really don't get it. What in the world would make any mother treat their daughter like she has treated me for over 17 years? I just don't get it. Aren't mothers the ones who are suppose to have unconditional love and this "bind" with their kids? Psh, my mother feels absolutely nothing for me. In fact, i really think she just hates me. It's like i'm just a big waste of her time, so fuck it. Fuck her and fuck all of her bullshit. I really am not going to put up with this anymore, i can't afford to. She's fuckin' damaged my mental health enough and i'm not going to let her play those emotional games with me anymore. Yeah, it hurts, it really fucking hurts. Its like the one thing in my life that no matter how hard i try i just can't improve the situation. It just gets worse and worse. Ugh, i really can't express how i feel about it accurately because i'm just so hurt and angry. I just don't get my mother. I really wish that i didn't have to deal with her at all and, honestly, i really don't think i will anymore...