Tuesday, June 26, 2007


So, last night we did something different for DIVE (our small group bible study). We went to the church for musical worship and communion. It was a pretty nice change. Pastor Gary spoke about surrender; surrendering your life, every aspect of it, to God. I really liked this idea of surrender. In our lives today we view surrender and something bad, like we're losing a battle. In life today we're told never to surrender because that would be giving up. In God's eyes and in our relationship with Him surrender is a completely different concept. It's the opposite of how we view it today. Surrendering your life to God is a good thing, it's an amazing thing. It's letting God know that you trust him, you believe in Him, and you have complete faith in Him. I loved this lesson because there are so many things in my life that i hadn't surrendered to God. There were so many things that distanced me for God and all i had to do was surrender my life, surrender those burdens to Him. Well, last night I did. I spoke to God and surrendered evrything i had been keeping to myself. I gave my entire life to Him and it was amazing how great i felt. I was jsut overcome with emotion and gratefullness. I feel last night brought me closer in my relationship to God. I surrendered.

Sunday, June 24, 2007


So, i was in a reflection mode all of a sudden and i realized some amazing things...
I have gone through a lot in my life. I have overcome so many physical and emotional obstacles. I have done some of the dumbest things in the world but i am still standing here today. I've even tried to go six feet under and yet i'm able to type this for you today. I have realized how amazing my gaurdian angel is and how amazing God is. Throughout everything in my life, every accident, every asshole, and even my own stupidity, i have never been seriously harmed. I've never goe to hospital other than to have a minor surgery for something to be removed to help me breathe better. I have never had a cast, not even a splint. I have bruised and scarred my body but i remain completely healthy and in one peice. God has sent me an amazing guardian angel, and man she works her ass off! I just feel so incredibly blessed to be as healthy as i am. I can easily look around me and see people who are much more intelligent (more common sense) and have done much greater things in their life and yet they have had to suffer some horrible injuries and deadly sicknesses. I have done nothing that i would call incredible and i haven't been the greatest to myself either. In fact, i should have been dead a long time ago but the fact is that i'm here, i'm healthy, and i'm strong. All this just makes me feel so blessed. I know i have an amazing purpose on this world, eventhough i don't know what it is yet, and i know God and my angels are working their hardest to keep me here for it. I just wanted to write this as a reminder for me, as i reminder for all of us. We've all gone through our share but we're still aren't we? God has protected all of us, he knows that greater things are to come. I have complete trust in my savior, my God. He has kept me safe through all these years, and i know he will continue to do so. God is great and every breath i take is a blessing. I know i haven't always cherished life as i should but today i think my epiphany just make me a better person. I will be challenged, life will get tough, but my God will never abandone me or anyone else for that matter. As long as i trust in Him, i trust that i am safe. "Though i walk through the valley of the shadow of death, i shall fear no evil for you are with me." Psalm 23:4

Saturday, June 23, 2007


OK, so around 4:40pm today i got into my third car accident in just one year! I mean, fuckin' a! I wasn't hurt and neither was anyone else. I was on fruitvale about to make a right onto rosedale highway. My light was red. I was surveying the cars, seeing when it was safe to turn. The only care i really saw that was remotely close was a silver dodge. So, i decided he ws quite a ways away and the BAM! It seems like out of nowhere this silver malibu slammed on its brakes, swerved, and then colided with me. Well, my truck bumper is not looking so pretty (luckily i still have yet to replace the bumper from the last accident). Also, my light no longer satys in the metal socket. GREAT. Their car, well, hmmm...Not built as well as a truck. Above their right rear tire it looks like a crumple peice of paper. Luckily, there was no one in the back seat. Both of our cars are still drive-able, thank God. Also, these people were very calm about the situation. I got out of the car and asked if they were alright and they said yes. They were very patient which was great because if someone would hav eyelled at me i would have had a total breakdown. So, i'm extremely pissed at myself for not seeing them. The accident was totally my fault but i still don't get how i did not see their car. So, i'm physically okay but extremely freaked out. 3 accidents and absolutely no injuries. I have a feeling if i get in another one i'm not going to be so lucky. i really don't want to drive anymore. i could barely drive home. so, this weekend, i think the truck is staying in the garage until i'm a little less freaked out.

Tuesday, June 19, 2007


So, i guess i haven't written in quite a while, since graduation. Well, there's not too much going on since then. Im working, alot. The stables are off in Tulsa for the world show so i am doing 4o hour weeks at the office. I hate it. I'm just not an office person. Part-time is great. Full time completely suckslike no other. On the plus side, it will be good money for a few weeks. Hmmm...what else. Me and my mom talked shortly after graduation and that's about it. I got a card from her like a week later. I'm still angry with her. I don't even want to deal with her anymore. I'm just tired and worn out. I haven't talked to her for about 2-weeks now and i must say i kind of like it.
My parents are out of town, well, more like out of the country. They're in Europe so i've got the house to myself. I really like it. I mean, it's not like i'm doing anything that i wouldn't normally do if they were here, it's just nice to have them out of town. It's really quiet, no naggin, just really peaceful.
I've just been kind of bleh, for lack of a better word, since graduation. Nothing real exciting has gone on. Me and Matt are okay. Just preparing for college i guess. I have my dorm formed turned in but i still don't know what dorm i'm in or if there is even one available. I'm kind of bored with summer already. i'm hating the work schedule. I just really want to have some fun this summer and, except for a few occasions, it seems like i'm just not. I guess i want to live a little before college. I'm not ready to be a productive citizen just yet. I want to raise some hell just one more time ;)