Wednesday, October 17, 2007


So, I think it's about time that Steve gets his own blog post ALL about him, lol...
So, we'll start with the basics: Steve is 22 from Bakersfield, CA. Like i said, bako just follows you everywhere. He is in a fraternity called Kappa Sigma and attends CSU Fresno (same college as me, duh) studying Business. Oh, and get this, he has a car AND a license (only a few people will understand why that is so amazing) as well as a job. Pretty big move up from all the ex's huh?
He's a pretty amazing guy i must say. I really haven't know him that long (a little over a month and dating for about 2 weeks) but it seems like I've known him for much longer. I've probably shared more about my life with him in the past month or so than i have in the past year to anyone. I've cried in front of this man, gotten sick in front of this man, and i can't seem to scare him away (lol, just kidding hun, i'm not trying to scare you away). I know that no matter how my day is going, i always look forward to seeing him because he can always cheer me up. He his probably one of the very few people that i can be around when i'm grumpy and actually get me to laugh within a few minutes. I LOVE waking up to him in the morning and going to bed with him right there by my side. That's unusual because i don't sleep well at all with other people but there is an amazing comfort level with him. He's like my nurse, best friend, counselor, motivator, and boyfriend all in one. Steve means so much to me in such a short amount of time. I don't know, but there is just something different about him. Something that clicked pretty much the first night when we were up until 2 in the morning just talking about whatever came to mind. We've pretty much been inseperable since. Minus my girl time, his boy time, school, and working. Still, I can have so much fun with him and pretty much be doing nothing. He most definitely makes me extremely happy and I'm excited to see where our relationship will go. No one can predict the future, but the present with him is pretty damn awesome.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Beautiful Day

So, I'm in sort of a reflective move tonight. It seems fitting seeing as I have changed so much over just the past year: from being a High School Senior to starting out, once again, at the bottom of the food chain as a Freshman in college.
I have gone through so much in such little time and I have learned some amazing life lessons on the way. My teachers have been anyone and everyone, without even knowing it.
I've learned Patience from my horse, Justa. She has tought me so much and we have honestly learned from eachother. I used to be the get up and go type but I've learned that you can't always do that. Sometimes you have to just sit back, relax, and watch the scenery go by. She had to learn that lesson the same time i did, lol. I've also learned that even I can't always have my way. It's all about compromise, meeting somewhere that's comfortably in the middle. I still may joke that its "all about me" but it really isn't.
My priorities have certainly changed. I've learned from my church back home in Bakersfield that it is all about God. I am living this life for Him and only Him. That's one thing I need to work on, in fact. I probably haven't been the greatest servant of God in the last few months but i really do intend to change that, eventhough I'm not quite sure how.
I've also learned that everything isn't what it's all cracked up to be. Live life one moment at a time, savoring every bit of it. That's what I learned from Grandma's passing. Don't focus on the negatives like someone being gone, but focus on the positives like all the good times you had together. You can't change what has happened in the past, but you can plan for your future and pay close attention to the present.
Be observant. Love without holding back but don't be stupid. Don't give your heart away to just anyone, but to someone who will really appreciate it. That includes giving a piece of you to your friends. Listen to them, love them, but correct them when they're wrong.
Life's too short to worry all the time. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. Some days may be difficult but there will always be something better on the other side. I am happy to say that i am proud of myself and of my life. I still make mistakes but the difference is i am learning from each and every one of them. God has blessed me with a loving family, great friends, and an amazing boyfriend. Who I am today is almost the opposite of who I was a year ago. Life is just looking up and I really can't see me viewing it any other way. So here's to God, to the patient, to the loving, and the positive. Here's to another beautiful day on this Earth with the one's that I love.

Thursday, October 11, 2007


So, i was going to post yesterday but i kind of got distracted i guess you can say...
Anyways, yesterday was a GREAT day! Yup, that one deserved bold and italics, lol. So, i slept in and missed my first class but it's all good because we were just doing some review. I went out to the ranch around 11:30. I was so happy to have my saddle back! I took justa out and we did a quick warm-up in the round pen. Man, she had so much energy, i just loved it. I saddled her up and we headed out to the arena. WOW she did so well! At first, she was being a bit hard in the mouth while asking her to back-up but that's okay because it's always a quick fix for her. We cantered for the first time in probably three months! It felt so good, her ears were perked and she had a beautiful stride. i was a little apprehensive about cantering her because i was afraid that she would be inclined again to take off like old times. But she didn't even attempt it. The moment i said "easy" she went straight from a canter to a walk (really surprised me actually, i wasn't ready for it, lol). Then, we went back up to the canter and worked on some flying lead changes. Again, WOW! We haven't worked on those in almost a year and she did them as if we had been working on them everyday for the past year. They were practically flawless. She got her front lead and her back leads simultaneously as we were doing our figure 8's...i am so proud of her! Another plus, her back leg was doing very well. No lameness at the moment, that's always a good thing. So, yeah, that's my update....More tomorrow, maybe..

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Whatcha Gonna Do?

So, this weekend Steve, Nesta and I went back to Bakersfield. I hate to say it, but when I actually go back to bako i realize i miss it. It just feels like a big relief when i go back "home". So, it was a really nice weekend. Saw someone i hadn't seen in almost a year, hung out with Steve a couple days, came back with some new ink. It was a nice trip....then we had to come back to Fresno..
So, once we got back to Fresno it was like the drama started IMMEDIATELY. Not kidding whatsoever. It was like a fucking whirlwind of the biggest shit. Some stuff went down i guess while i was gone so i went to help my friend with those issues. Then, there was some more shit going down with Steve's ex. Apparently, her friends wanting her to tell me that her and Steve are still seeing each other and to back off. Whatever. It wasn't even her that was pissing me off, it was the fact that people can't stay out of me and Steve's personal life. What goes on between us is our business, and no one else's. No one has the right to be talking shit about how it's fucked up that Steve supposedly left Cat for me. That's not the case in the first place but even if it was it is no one's business. So, we had to deal with that once we got home and it seems like yesterday the drama was at its worse.
Well, everyday is a new day and today is definitely a new day. Still some drama with other issues but nothing too bad. I have gotten so much work done, i am so proud of myself! lol. I cannot wait for the weekend again. I kinda want to go back to bako, its just so peaceful there. I have no problems when i go back to bako but, hey, whatcha gonna do?
Life goes on and it looks like all is good. Just keeping busy with school and such. Another mid-term is coming up soon (yuck!) so i will be disappearing here and there to study, lol.
Oh! Almost forgot, i got my saddle back this weekend :)...So, Justa will officially be back in training starting back tomorrow, wish us luck...

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Still Missing...

So, it's been an entire month since my grandma passed and i must admit that it isn't getting any easier. I miss her more and more everyday and i have really had to rely on God and other people's energy to keep me going. I hope i don't show it too much, but it's been hard without grandma here. Like the other day, i was just stressed and struggling. I wanted so bad to call her and just say "Hey" like i used to but i knew i couldn't. That just made everything so much worse.
So, i am going to go visit her, well, her grave actually. I hate saying that, "her grave". I don't want to visit a grave. I want to visit her. I want to tell her everything: college, Justa, friends, the boyfriend (yeah, i'll talk more about that in a bit). I just never imagined a life without my grandma there and the more time passes the worse it gets. I shared everything with her, and even when i couldn't tell her what was going on, she always somehow knew. I just want to make her proud but i know that some of my actions lately would displease her quite a bit. I just wish she was here, to see the positive progress i have made in my life, to see how much i have grown in such a short time. It seems like i need her more than anything right now but she isn't here. And i hate knowing that. It's like i'm in denial still, just so i can make it through, because if i admit she isn't here i feel like i just can't get through the day. I just feel so stupid when I pass something that reminds me of her and i have a complete breakdown. I've been doing well in front of people but when I go for a drive or go see Justa the pain always wins. I just miss her, terribly.
So, even though you can't read this, here's what's been going on Grandma:
I have someone special in my life. His name is Steve and he is also from Bakersfield. He has been nothing short of amazing and has been a great comfort in my life. I've only know him for about 3 weeks now and we just recently started dating but it feels like it has been so much longer. Grandma would like him, expecially since he makes me happy :).
Justa has been, well, Justa. the same spunky pony with her Diva attitude. She had some lameness issues earlier this week but as of yesterday she was looking pretty good. I'm glad Grandma got to meet her...
School has been interesting. I love my math class (shocking!) and my Natural Science 4 class. History has been my hardest class while Ag Economics seems to be my easiest. And animal science has been probably the most retarted, lol. I'll get fairly busy soon with Mid terms coming up...Wish me luck....

So, there's my life in a nutshell for now. Nothing too crazy, but definitely enough to keep me interested...