Monday, September 29, 2008

A Lifetime

Time to update, again...What's new? Too much is all I can say and I really don't feel like typing it all out quite yet. Here are a few things though: Steve and I are pretty much done talking. I don't know how I feel about that yet. One moment I feel sort of relieved because there is no arguing or anything but there were so many great aspects to our relationship too that I miss. Like the play fighting, the joking name-calling, and the RC racing. So, it's quite and adjustment that came at a REAL bad time, I've been going to a counselor and a psych for my manic episodes and they are almost completely positive that they are going to diagnose me with bipolar disorder. This means, a life time of medications and counseling from time to time to make sure everything is on track. So, that's really hard to accept right now but, there is worse than a mental disorder. I'll be okay as long as I keep trying...My friends and family have been great though. Thanks to all those who have texted me just to make sure i was doing okay, it really helps start my day. So, this is my life for now. A support group, and no work...
Oh! And i have a new love :). His name is Pixel and he is a one year old chihuahua terrier mix..He's great and helps a lot with aall this...
Anywho, thats bout it...ttyl

Monday, September 8, 2008

Small Mountains

So, I guess I'll start at Labor Day Weekend. I went down to Fresno and stayed with a friend of mine in his dorm. I had a pretty good time honestly. I really missed all the guys this summer so it was great to go to the house and just hang out. I really loved it even though Sunday night had a bit of drama, i didn't let it skew my view of the weekend. I probably won't be back again but it was a great time to hang out with some great friends and say proper goodbyes.
So, since then, i've been pretty much working and adjusting to life as a non-student. It's pretty tough actually. I miss school so i will be very excited to start in January. Also, all the changes that have happened this summer have been so difficult. I don't really like being back in Bakersfield, especially since I decided to stay here because I thought I was going to get married. Also, as October 19th moves closer, it gets a little hard. Its like a constant reminder of all the sacrifices I made and all I ended up with so much pain. Yeah, I'm still recovering from that and it's hard. There's been a lot of changes, too many. Steve and I are still working through things and there have been so many changes with us. He's working now, has an interview with the Academy, and his grandmother passed away a few weeks. So, needless to say, he's been stressed. Which means he's been distant and we haven't had (to me) enough good, quality, time together. I'm not good at change, I never have been, and this is just too much all at once. Also, my job position has changed and I'm not liking it as much so it's been harder to get up and get things going in the morning. I'm just worried about too much. Oh, and I had a pretty sucky Birthday. Should have taken the offer to go out with some friends. Nothing like feeling unimportant on YOUR day...Anyways, with everything going on, i decided to FINALLY go to college group Bible study tonight. It was really nice actually. I completely felt God tonight and it was great to discuss God's word with some friends. I definitely will be attending more often. I've kind of drifted from God the past few weeks and I need to get back into actively studying His word again, I know it will help to comfort me through all this...
So, that's the update. I know, not to positive. Hence why I haven't been updating frequently. Anyways, keep praying. God is great and I know he has some AMAZING things in time for me. This is just a small mountain that I have to climb in order to get there.