Sunday, March 16, 2008

Foundation on God

I apologize in advanced, a lot of my blogs have and will be mainly focused on this subject as it is my future...
Well, as usual, I'm contemplating God and what he wants for me. I want to be willing to serve God but sometimes I find myself less than that. I have always been one who is afraid to step out of the box but why should I be afraid when God is right there at my side? I just feel ashamed when I know God wants me to move in a certain direction and I either stay where I'm at or don't move at all. Its frustrating for me because I want so much to go along with what I view the future to be but I think that God has something completely different in mind. I need to remember that he will always provide me with my needs and that as long as I walk with Him i will be spiritually fulfilled but as I become older and more of an adult (if you could say that) it becomes increasingly harder for me to make those leaps. And it shouldn't, it really shouldn't. God has taken care of me quite well and I have no reason to not trust Him. Not saying that I don't trust Him but by not listening to Him I am showing a form of distrust and I really hate that. I don't want to make excuses either but I know that is exactly what I am doing to myself in my head. It just seems such a struggle right now. I have no clue how Paul followed God so well in Acts, I don't believe that I can do the same. I guess I'm just scared because I am used to the life that i live right now and I am just so scared of being uprooted. I don't really have the greatest foundation and I know that my foundation should be built upon God and God only. I know exactly how to do that, and i know exactly how He wants me to do that but i'm scared of taking those leaps. God has led me on quite a journey and he has only barely begun. When God says move i need to move but i often find myself stuck, almost like i'm cemented on my path, leaving me stationary with no positive forward progress. I'm frozen in my tracks, quite literally. I just need to trust that God has everything in His hands and that in the end everything is for the better. Yet, I'm a little intimidated on how people will perceive that, even though i shouldn't care. It's just such a tough journey, a tough decision to take that journey. I definitely need a lot of prayer and a lot of help.

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