Friday, January 11, 2008

Wait On Me

I'm feeling a little unsettled today. First off, I'm fasting (no food=grumpy, lol) but it's for a great reason. Tonight we are having prayer at my house and breaking the fast for Chris but i'm a little upset with my parents. They are christians but sometimes i just wish we could pray togeher and worship the Lord as a family. Praying with the Champions is something very important to me, seeing as i have grown close with this family and have gotten to know them over the past few years. At first, my step-mom was all about helping out with tonight and picking up some stuff but this morning all she could really say was "we'll see, i'm busy". Busy with what? All she usually does is sit and do crosswords all day. Also, they decided that they are going to Tom and Karen's tonight instead of praying with us, that was a little upsetting as well. I think, i just feel disappointed in them for once and I just can't explian well enough as to why.
I'm also, for lack of a better word, nervous you could say. Sunday I am going back to Fresno and i will be packing up all of my stuff from Steve's place and moving back into the dorms. I'm really not looking forward to this. Breakups in general are never "fun" but moving out of someone's place just makes it that much worse. I've never been in this situation before so it just plain sucks. I'm trying to organize a list in my head of everything i need to get, all in one trip. It's gonna take freakin' forever (not really but it will seem like it). It's also a little embarrassing because i'm sure, seeing as its a Sunday, Ryan and Audra and possibly Mantor will be there and i have no clue how they feel about me now that all of this is over. Oh, and i'm not looking forward to talking to Steve. At this point I'm almost 100% posistive that this is a definite, permanent thing (us not being together) so, I really don't know what there is to say at this point. I obviously don't want him out of my life, and i would love to be friends at least. I guess I'm just fearing one of those conversations thast just basically says "I don't want to be with you, so lets be friends (insert awkward silence here)". I just don't like those you know? And at this particular time I'm just emotionally tired and I fear that I'll start crying Sunday just because of everything that's going on, and I hate crying in front of anyone (and that just makes it even worse). So, I've been praying my heart out and God is good. I know he will continue to fill me with peace but the focus of my prayers is not on me but the Champions. I know what i am going through cannot even begin to compare with what the Champions are going through right now. So, my heart is exhausted with prayer but i will continue because i know God is good, and he is mighty. He hears our prayers and he is responding. "Wait on me..." is what I"ve been hearing and I will wait on God with unwaivering faith.

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