Take a Step Back

Hmmm, well, nothing really to say about work today but I do have quite a load on my mind. We’ll start with some saddening news first: today was Chris’ appointment down in UCLA. He had a kind of bump (I believe they said it was swollen lymph node?) show up a few weeks ago. I really didn’t get too much information on his Dr.’s appointment today but Chris sent me a text message stating that the news wasn’t good. It was upsetting because he fought so hard his entire senior year and we thought the cancer was gone but now there is a chance its back. He and his family are definitely in my prayers as well as so many other people’s prayers. So, I would ask you to do the same. Please keep Chris and his family in your thoughts and prayers.
What is going on with Chris really made me think about God and how wonderful his healing powers can be even though sometimes you can feel like he doesn’t listen to your prayers at all. I was talking to a coworker about praying today and he brought up something interesting: he said that he writes down every prayer and keeps track of every prayer answered. He said it really helps his faith. Now, I’m personally not going to tally up every prayer that has been answered but it made me really think about all the prayers God has answered for me this week. First off, I stopped taking my sleeping pills because I realized that I shouldn’t be dependent on anything or anyone but God and so I have been praying for sleep. God has definitely answered that prayer and even though I sleep better with my sleeping pills, I am amazed that God has blessed me a full night’s rest for the past couple days. I will still wake up in the middle of sleep but when I do I’m not awake as long and it isn’t as frequent. Another prayer that has been answered is the amazing peace that God has given me. The past semester was just full of troubles and pain but God has really healed me and given me great peace within myself. I am so grateful and thankful to have such an Amazing God.
With all God has done for me, I have been highly reflective this evening. I was thinking more about the situation with me and Steve and about the living situation we used to have. I wasn’t happy living with Steve and for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why but I just realized it. I’ve always been an independent person but I felt like I was losing that when living with Steve. I mean, He, Mantor, and Ryan paid rent at that apartment and I did not. That’s really not okay with me whatsoever. Why should I be able to stay somewhere rent free while they all worked hard to pay for rent and utilities? Being in that situation just made me feel bad about it all and I really wasn’t comfortable living there. It was kind of like walking on eggshells and actually, at times, it reminded me of my mother’s house. Next time I live in an apartment, I want to be a rent payer just like everyone else. Also, my life was too much about Steve, and that was my fault. By moving out of the dorms so soon I removed myself from people who I bonded so closely with in such a short amount of time. My focus wasn’t on school, God, or my friends, but on Steve and that’s a problem. God should always be first, and my education comes in second. My friends also take priority because, no offense to anyone, friends are forever and most relationships aren’t. Plus, you can’t have a strong, happy relationship when you aren’t completely happy yourself. It’s amazing what you see when you take a step back and how clear everything becomes. Another thing making me tense was all my headaches. It’s annoying and frustrating when day in and day out your head is in pain. Unfortunately, this issue still has yet to be fixed but I’m dealing with it better. I still have headaches everyday but I’m not over medicating (like a whole vicodin for a headache that isn’t a migraine) and I’m not being stubborn about taking something such as ibuprofen for them. Timing is everything and catching my headaches early is the key.
Well, I think that’s about it for today. And that was a lot. Peace, love, and God.