Friday, April 18, 2008


I thought I'd let everyone in on what's going on lately because I don't know if I can really explain it on an individual basis.
So, the past two weeks have been absolute hell (well, Fresno has been absolute hell). It has probably been one of the worst (not the worst but one of the worst) times in my life. In regards to a relationship, I have never felt so much heart ache in my life. I love Steve so much but at the same time in order to deal with Steve I have to deal with a few (and one person in particular) people who really make life unbearable. In the end, it just wasn't worth it to me. The strain that outsiders had on our relatioship in Fresno was too much to bear and I admit that I crumbled horribly under the pressure. I realized that I cannot, and will not, have a relationship with Steve as long as I have to have those few people in my life. This means that, in Fresno, I cannot be with Steve. I'm so tired of battling and getting hurt daily because someone else refuses to let go (not to mention they're just plain psycho and immature). I don't think I realized how this "battle" affected my mental and physical health until this past week and I will not sacrifice my health to continue to be the only one battling for something. So, I am back in Bakersfield to get better (hopefully) and to be able to clear my mind of all this mess. I have one month left in Fresno and, although I really wanted to drop out, I will finish out the semester and hope that my GPA hasn't been affected too badly. From there, I'm unsure. If I do not get into APU next semester I will most likely be moving back home because Fresno is not an option for me.
With the loss of both my grandmothers and some family issues, this has been an extremely tough 2 semsters and I don't need other people making it worse. So please pray for me. Pray for my health, my patience, and my schooling. Also, please pray for the people that have made my life difficult, that they may have peace and learn to just let go.

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