Hi

Well, I know I have posted in a really long time. I'm still unsure of what to say these days. There have been some amazing moments and there have been moments where i've really had to rely on God to pull me through. Life has definitely changed. So have people. I don't know how to quite put it so I won't elaborate on it. Quite frankly, things just suck. I mean, I have spiritually grown so much and I know I have impacted a few people with my faith and with Chris' story but I can't write a blog and pretend everything is going perfectly. It's still hard to focus on schoolwork and keeping my meds is a hassle. I swear sometimes that if it's not one thing it seems to be another. I know God is still good though so I just keep going. Go until I get a no from God and I guess that's just the way I need to do things to get through all this change. Well, there is a small update I suppose. I hope all of you are doing well.

Sigh

I really don't know what to say here but I feel that I need to write something.
Chris' memorial was on Saturday and it was beautiful. John Bryant shared a great message and it was nice to hear some stories from Chris' friends. coworkers, and even acquaintances. It was very nice to see the number of people that showed up. Such a testimony to a wonderful person. I must admit, as beautiful as the memorial was, it was very difficult to sit through. I felt like I was hit by a truck, for lack of a better example. It made Chris' passing real. Not that it wasn't before Saturday, it just made everything so final. So I guess now life is suppose to move forward but I feel somewhat stuck. People say things get easier with time but in this situation, it feels exactly like the opposite. Everyday I still go to the Champions, and everyday it gets harder. Things just don't feel right without Chris. We had a barbecue last night and it just felt weird to me. Chris was missing, and there is no way to fix that problem. It's really a hole in my heart that only God will be able to fill.
Also, my sleeping pattern has yet to become normal again. I am so deprived of sleep and I am sure that is not making any of this better. I'm unsure how to fix that as well. I have a Doctor's appointment next week so hopefully we can discuss how to treat the sleep deprivation.
Like I said, things just feel weird. I find myself writing this midday at work in a horrible attempt to keep myself from a complete breakdown. I really hate all this. I'm not angry at God, just upset at the situation. I know that, even through death, Chris is continuing to touch so many lives and I'm being so incredibly selfish wishing that he was still here but I can't help it. Also, if I feel this way, I can't imagine how Chris' family, and Emily is feeling. I actually feel quite selfish for posting a blog about my heartache when I know others are suffering much more. I just can't quite help it. I miss Chris so much. I miss our theoretical conversations, his theories on certain biblical passages, and his jokes about my love life that always contained a serious and true message. I'm sad that my future husband and my future kids will never have the chance to meet Chris. I am also sad that my brother and mother were unable to meet him because I believe he would have truly inspired them like he did me.
I should probably end this blog because at this rate I could seriously go on forever. For those of you who are missing Chris, just as I am, I pray for all of us everyday and I know Chris is praying for us to. May God fill that void we contain in our hearts and may He comfort us. If I know one thing, I know that Chris wants us to know he is truly happy and we need to keep our eyes upon the Lord. Thank you to those of you who have been praying for aching hearts. Your prayers are definitely being heard and answered. God is still good, and He is still victorious. That's really all I have to say right now.

A week

So, It's been a week and I really don't know what to say. I miss Chris very much. Everything just seems so different. I've been spending nights at home lately and I really don't like it. I truly sleep horribly and I wake up to so many cruel dreams. I'm still in denial I will admit. I still can't believe Chris isn't here and I really don't want to believe it. All I can do is keep praying to God and praising Him for the little things and asking Him for comfort and strength. Even through the sadness and anxiety, have been able to focus and act on things that Chris has inspired me to do. I am ready for school to start so I can get closer to getting my bachelor's of science in Nursing. Chris really inspired me to get into the medical field and through helping to take care of Chris, I know that I am more than capable of acing my classes to help other cancer patients strive.
Thank you Chris so much for being such an inspiration. You have softened my heart and helped to show me what my passion truly is. You're amazing bud and I can't wait to share your testimony with anyone who will listen. I am so proud to be your friend.
Saturday is going to be so hard. I'm not ready for it but I know as long as I keep focused on the Lord, everything is going to be okay.

Until I see you again

I've been meaning to update my blog for a very long time now but I just haven't known what to say.
Yesterday evening, Chris Champion passed away. Friends and family had been gathering around him for days, preparing their hearts and saying their goodbyes, but I don't believe anyone can fully prepare themselves for the death of a loved one. Last night was filled with tears, praise, and worship. It was amazing to me that even through all the sadness, we could still give God thanks for so many things. That's really a te4stimony to Chris. Just like his father, he wanted to give all the Glory, through his life and even death, if God called him for it. In his 20 years here, he has affected so many people. His wisdom and faith far surpassed his age. I'm so proud to say that Chris was my best friend, more like a brother than anything. I am so happy that I was able to spend the last three months helping him to get better, and even when he didn't, I'm glad I just got to be there for him, making him as comfortable as possible. Although my heart is aching terribly, I get comfort in knowing Chris is with his Heavenly Father and his dad, John. I especially get comfort in knowing Chris now has a glorified body. He can run, and jump, and dance, without pain or a limp. He can sing and praise without worrying about what the next scan is going to show, or how the next surgery is going to go. He was so brave, so gracious, and so faithful. I learned so much from my friend, lessons that I will always hold dear to my heart and never forgot.
I spent last night at the Champions, just like always. It was difficult to say the least. I longed to hear Chris breathe, I even longed to hear that stupid oxygen machine. I just wanted something to let me know that this was all just a dream, or a really cruel trick. But the silence of morning showed that Chris is indeed gone from this world. I'll admit I still am in shock, I'm not sure if it has really sunken in completely, and I fear for when it does. However, I will keep my eyes fixed on the Lord, just as Chris would want me to.
Goodbye Chris. I love you buddy and I can't wait to see you again. Please pray for us.

Comment from a wonderful sister in Christ

This person whom I do not know, but attended a Bible study with Dawn, left a comment on my previous post that really touched me. Really, it was one of those God things when He knows you need to hear something at a specific moment in time and He uses someone here on this Earth to tell it, or in this case, write it to you. This was a part of her comment that was just amazing to me:

"You said in your blog that God never gives us more than we can handle. That saying is a famous one, but it isn't in the Bible. The thing I have seen as I have studied the lives of His people over and over is that He almost always gives us more than we can handle ... so that we lean on Him -- because NOTHING is more than HE can handle. We need to know that life is always more than we are able to manage (even when it seems otherwise) and we will always be able to find our strength and stability and peace in Him."

That was seriously something that I needed to hear in order to understand a little more of this situation and it makes perfect sense to me. If God only gave us what we as human beings could handle we wouldn't need Him and come to Him. It is so important for us to lean on the Lord and give our worries and our struggles to him. That's what he wants us to do and its times like these when we really do learn to lean on Him and rest in His arms. So, thank you Patty for being an amazing vessel and thank you for sharing those words that truly enlightened me. God bless :)

It's all about Jesus

The past month has been very hard, and not just for me. Chris has been in the hospital for nearly a month now and I must admit there were a few times where my faith in God was tested. There were some days where we weren't sure if Chris was going to make it through to the next day but amazingly, and by God's grace, he is still fighting and seems to be slowly improving. It took all I had to trust God and to continue to pray for healing. They say God never gives us more than he could handle but at times it felt as though he was about to cross that line. I can't even begin to explain the roller coaster of emotions I have felt this past month. All I know is if i wasn't a believer, I would have lost it a while ago. I kept thinking about that last week, about my faith and about Chris and how I am just so thankful God put him into my life. Chris truly worked as a vessel for God to reach me and brought me closer to the Lord. It was Chris' strong faith that truly got me through this month. I knew that I could never give up because I knew Chris wasn't going to. I wish I could see God's bigger picture at times because sometimes its so hard to have faith but I do know that He truly is confirmed and I do believe that this past month has strengthened my faith in Him. John Bryant was talking about how in the Bible it shows that in times like these God strips us of what we think faith is and brings us back to the root of it and how it is all about just trusting and believing that God is in control and He loves us so very much.
I must say I have been rejoicing and thanking God for little things lately. He really has stripped me down to the basics and I feel like I am seeing with new eyes. Everyday is a reason to rejoice and give praise. When Chris pulled out his ventilator I was so concerned and confused. But now I rejoice that we are able to hear his voice, even if it coarse and quiet. Just being able to communicate with him is amazing. It proved that God is victorious, He claimed His victory at the very start of our lives. Chris is slowly improving and I am trusting, in God's timing, that Chris will completely recover from this battling.I honestly believe that God is removing the cancer from his body, even if we can't see it yet. I was asked by a nurse in the hospital what the oncologists have said about Chris' life expectancy and I couldn't help but laugh a little. I proceeded to tell him that it doesn't matter what the scans show or what the doctor's may think (as proven by the last couple weeks!) because God is in control and God is restoring Chris' body. It felt so good to say that to a non believer and believe it whole completely. I think it was then when I got a glimpse of God's plan and the reasoning if why Chris has been in this hospital for so long. There are so many hearts that have been untouched and so many people who need God and I truly believe that by the time Chris is home and healthy, we will have planted a seed for God to nurture in the hearts of many non believers and hopefully we will see people coming to Christ just by witnessing this journey that we have all been a part of. It is hard but as John would say "It's all about Jesus". I truly believe that, and I know Chris does too. We will rejoice the day Chris is back at home and we will thank God for the people we have met and affected a long the way and hopefully Chris will be a patient that they will be inspired by and never forget. To God be the glory.

God is great!

So I am updating my blog at nearly two in the morning to tell you all that Chris is doing so amazing! God is so great and he is truly answering our prayers. They have started to wake him up from his paralytic state and he can hear us and respond. They are waking him up because they changed a setting on his ventilator so he no longer needs his diaphragm to be paralyzed. This is great news! This means he is one step closer to getting of the machine and having a complete recovery! Thank you all so much for all of your prayers. Please continue to pray for Chris as he still has a rough road ahead. Thank you God for all you have done so far!