The past month has been very hard, and not just for me. Chris has been in the hospital for nearly a month now and I must admit there were a few times where my faith in God was tested. There were some days where we weren't sure if Chris was going to make it through to the next day but amazingly, and by God's grace, he is still fighting and seems to be slowly improving. It took all I had to trust God and to continue to pray for healing. They say God never gives us more than he could handle but at times it felt as though he was about to cross that line. I can't even begin to explain the roller coaster of emotions I have felt this past month. All I know is if i wasn't a believer, I would have lost it a while ago. I kept thinking about that last week, about my faith and about Chris and how I am just so thankful God put him into my life. Chris truly worked as a vessel for God to reach me and brought me closer to the Lord. It was Chris' strong faith that truly got me through this month. I knew that I could never give up because I knew Chris wasn't going to. I wish I could see God's bigger picture at times because sometimes its so hard to have faith but I do know that He truly is confirmed and I do believe that this past month has strengthened my faith in Him. John Bryant was talking about how in the Bible it shows that in times like these God strips us of what we think faith is and brings us back to the root of it and how it is all about just trusting and believing that God is in control and He loves us so very much.
I must say I have been rejoicing and thanking God for little things lately. He really has stripped me down to the basics and I feel like I am seeing with new eyes. Everyday is a reason to rejoice and give praise. When Chris pulled out his ventilator I was so concerned and confused. But now I rejoice that we are able to hear his voice, even if it coarse and quiet. Just being able to communicate with him is amazing. It proved that God is victorious, He claimed His victory at the very start of our lives. Chris is slowly improving and I am trusting, in God's timing, that Chris will completely recover from this battling.I honestly believe that God is removing the cancer from his body, even if we can't see it yet. I was asked by a nurse in the hospital what the oncologists have said about Chris' life expectancy and I couldn't help but laugh a little. I proceeded to tell him that it doesn't matter what the scans show or what the doctor's may think (as proven by the last couple weeks!) because God is in control and God is restoring Chris' body. It felt so good to say that to a non believer and believe it whole completely. I think it was then when I got a glimpse of God's plan and the reasoning if why Chris has been in this hospital for so long. There are so many hearts that have been untouched and so many people who need God and I truly believe that by the time Chris is home and healthy, we will have planted a seed for God to nurture in the hearts of many non believers and hopefully we will see people coming to Christ just by witnessing this journey that we have all been a part of. It is hard but as John would say "It's all about Jesus". I truly believe that, and I know Chris does too. We will rejoice the day Chris is back at home and we will thank God for the people we have met and affected a long the way and hopefully Chris will be a patient that they will be inspired by and never forget. To God be the glory.