Thursday, November 19, 2009


I haven't updated in a long time. Mostly because I either haven't had much to write or I just wasn't ready to share what had been going on. Well, I'm still not ready but I'm quite angry so i thought i'd let some of it out.
Life lately has been rough. I know I use that term quite a lot but this time I don't mean measly ups and downs, I mean some serious stuff has happened and with everything else that has gone on these past few years, I've had enough. I'm in physical and emotional pain now and the worst part is i feel like I have absolutely no voice.
About a month ago I was sexually assaulted in my own home. I won't state details because that is not the purpose of telling you all about it. The purpose is, it is so hard for someone to get Earthly justice when something like that happens. Since the incident, I have been working hard to get the Judicial system to just listen to me, to hear me out. They decided not to press charges, stating that the offenders explanations were reasonable. In fact, the soon to be District Attorney pretty much blamed me for the entire incident. What a slap in the face. Dwell on this for a moment, and I'll get back to it.
Also recently, I have been in an incredible amount of pain, due to my hip. I've been through this before; Doctors, x-rays, MRIs, medications, etc. all leading nowhere. I dropped it a couple years ago but the pain is so intense that this week I decided to do something about it again. Saw my doctor, and she wasn't concerned. She simply referred me to the pain management department and said they would get back to me within a week. Does excruciating, intolerable pain mean nothing to the Doctors that are suppose to make you feel better? Well, today I really couldn't handle the pain so I went to the hospital. The doc there said it was bursitis. I said they ruled that out a few years ago. He insisted it was bursitis so I let him inject my hip with an excruciating shot of cortisone. Yeah, that helped..not. He told me give it a week, although he was stumped as to why the anisthetic he gave me wasn't making the pain any better, just worse.
So those two things bring me to the title of this blog. I feel like I have no voice, anywhere. Im shut down by the courts, I'm shut down by the doctors. I'm shut down by the people who are there to help me. I could sit there and scream at them if i wanted and I know it would be going through one ear and out the other. What has happened in society where one person does not have a voice? Or is it just me? At this point, I'm at the brink of giving up. I pray for God to give me strength and let me be heard but I fear i'm just so tired of all this. I simply cannot take it anymore. I'm mute. I scream and scream and scream and no one hears me, no one does anything about it. I'm lost, confused, but mostly angry. I haven't been this frustrated and low in years. I'm on mute.


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