Sunday, July 15, 2007

The Extraordinary

So, this week has been such a huge learning experience for me. As you should know from the last blog, me and Matt have broken up. I still love him and i respect him, i just felt like we were both too stressed and we just weren't being fair to ourselves. This week has given us space and has given me a lot if time for reflection. Tuesday and Wednesday were my hardest days but i have some amazing friends and coworkers who have helped me to pull through. Thursday i was cheery and had almost gone a full 180 from Tuesday. I've learned a lot in such a short period of time. I've learned to not stress the small stuff so much, let God be in control. Yes, small things may add up to something huge but pick and choose your battles. So many of them aren't worth it. I've learned so much about myself, and why i react the way that i do. I've learned I'm not a bad person, just someone who is still learning as they go. My relationship with Matt has taught me so many things, i just didn't realize them until it was over. I'm literally living moment to moment. Living in this world and truly enjoying everything in it. It makes a big difference in who I am now. Friday was a roadblock for me, and a huge test in not only my values but in my faith. I let something happen that shouldn't have and i had the worst feeling ever. I literally fell apart inside and i was afraid that all my hard work this week would be destroyed in just a few minutes. I prayed to God over and over and saturday i woke up just like the days before: with a beautiful smile on my face. God has given me so much strength in the past week and i am truly grateful for that. I talked to matt over text messages the other day and it was nice to just say hi without any arguing in between. I truly do miss him and he still has my heart. This isn't someone that i just want to "get over". This is a man that i have shared so much with and i have learned so much from that i embrace the tremendous amount of love i still feel for him. I want him to stay in my life, whether it's just friends or if it turns in to something more again. It's all his choice and I'm okay with that. I'm okay with the decisions i've made and so is my heart. God has given me amazing peace and i wish i could share that with everyone. I just feel so blessed and loved. This week has truly been my testimony. It may seem like nothing out of the ordinary but to me it has definitely been the extraordinary...

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