Part Of Me

Yesterday was my Grandmother's funeral service. It was like a giant reality check for me, it was probably one of the most dreaded moments in my life.
The ceremony was beautiful but extrememly saddening at the same time. Many great memories of my grandma were shared by family and friends. I was so happy to see the all the lives she had touched in her time on this earth. The funeral service was packed and that put a grin on my face.
Some family friends prepared a wonderful lunch for us all. We are a very blessed family and it was nice to see so much support from so many people.
I know she is in a better place but i can't help but being a little selfish and wishing she was here longer. I truly miss her. I don't think i've ever felt so much hurt in my life. I'm kind of scared to face the rest of my life without my grandma here, she was everything to me. My role model, my counselor, everything. The service was really hard on me. Tears pretty much started rolling down my cheeks once i got to the church. When we finally sat down in the chapel it all hit. The casket was open and i could see her laying there. She looked so beautiful but i had to look away the first few times. I just can't beleive she's gone, and i really didn't truly believe it until yesterday.
She was buried into a family plot in Madera and i plan on visiting as often as possible. This past week has been hard and i know the rest of this month will just get harder. But, our God is an amazing God and i know i can turn to him for comfort. I am deeply saddened but it puts a smile on my face to know that she is with our heavenly father, preparing the tables for us; for her family. I know one day i will see her again, but until then she will be dearly missed. For now, i hope to make her proud, i hope there's at least a small fraction of Grandma in me.
I love her and miss her more than anyone could imagine. My last words to her just ring in my head over and over. I never thought when i said "I love you Grandma, goodbye, I'll be back to morrow" those would be my last words to her. I didn't want to leave her that night, and maybe i shouldn't have, but she always made it a point for me to go to school and get my education. I didn't want to leave her yesterday. It was literally like a part of me was being torn out when i walked away from her casket at the grave site. It's reality, she's gone, and in a better place, but I still wish for just a little more time with her.