Wow....This past month has been nothing short of amazing! I am absolutely loving college life so far. Classes haven't been too bad, i've missed a few but nothing so far that has really damaged my grade. I have also met some amazing people that have just made my life so much better. I really don't think i have been this happy with life for a while. I love the new freedom i have in college. Even though that also means i have learned a few lessons on my own about self discipline.
It's kind of crazy thinking that it has only been about a month since i moved out of bako and to Fresno. It feels like soooo(etc.) much longer! The same thing goes with the people i've met, it feels like i have known them for so much longer than i actually have.
Oh yeah, i've also met someone a little different from all the others...and, go figure, he's from Bakersfield!!! (happy Steve, you're in my blog..lol). But, yeah, i met him at a Kappa Sigma (fraternity) rush event. And, well, pretty much been spending a lot of time together since then and i love it.
So, God has definitely been good to me this month, even with the loss of my grandmother i have drawn a lot of strength from Him and i have felt a lot of comfort in knowing she is with Him.
Well, i think that's a good enough update for now....I start my diet today! yuck, lol.....Wish me luck.
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Friday, September 21, 2007
I Am Free
I Am Free (In Remembrance of Dorothy Mae Whitehead)
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free.
I am following thr path God laid for me.
I took His hand when I heard Him call,
I turned my back and left it all. I could not stay
Another day, to laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way.
I found that peace at the close of the day.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief.
Don't lengthen it now, with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me,
God wanted me now, he set me free.
-Unknown
Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free.
I am following thr path God laid for me.
I took His hand when I heard Him call,
I turned my back and left it all. I could not stay
Another day, to laugh, to love, to work or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way.
I found that peace at the close of the day.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief.
Don't lengthen it now, with undue grief.
Lift up your heart and share with me,
God wanted me now, he set me free.
-Unknown
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Part Of Me
Yesterday was my Grandmother's funeral service. It was like a giant reality check for me, it was probably one of the most dreaded moments in my life.
The ceremony was beautiful but extrememly saddening at the same time. Many great memories of my grandma were shared by family and friends. I was so happy to see the all the lives she had touched in her time on this earth. The funeral service was packed and that put a grin on my face.
Some family friends prepared a wonderful lunch for us all. We are a very blessed family and it was nice to see so much support from so many people.
I know she is in a better place but i can't help but being a little selfish and wishing she was here longer. I truly miss her. I don't think i've ever felt so much hurt in my life. I'm kind of scared to face the rest of my life without my grandma here, she was everything to me. My role model, my counselor, everything. The service was really hard on me. Tears pretty much started rolling down my cheeks once i got to the church. When we finally sat down in the chapel it all hit. The casket was open and i could see her laying there. She looked so beautiful but i had to look away the first few times. I just can't beleive she's gone, and i really didn't truly believe it until yesterday.
She was buried into a family plot in Madera and i plan on visiting as often as possible. This past week has been hard and i know the rest of this month will just get harder. But, our God is an amazing God and i know i can turn to him for comfort. I am deeply saddened but it puts a smile on my face to know that she is with our heavenly father, preparing the tables for us; for her family. I know one day i will see her again, but until then she will be dearly missed. For now, i hope to make her proud, i hope there's at least a small fraction of Grandma in me.
I love her and miss her more than anyone could imagine. My last words to her just ring in my head over and over. I never thought when i said "I love you Grandma, goodbye, I'll be back to morrow" those would be my last words to her. I didn't want to leave her that night, and maybe i shouldn't have, but she always made it a point for me to go to school and get my education. I didn't want to leave her yesterday. It was literally like a part of me was being torn out when i walked away from her casket at the grave site. It's reality, she's gone, and in a better place, but I still wish for just a little more time with her.
The ceremony was beautiful but extrememly saddening at the same time. Many great memories of my grandma were shared by family and friends. I was so happy to see the all the lives she had touched in her time on this earth. The funeral service was packed and that put a grin on my face.
Some family friends prepared a wonderful lunch for us all. We are a very blessed family and it was nice to see so much support from so many people.
I know she is in a better place but i can't help but being a little selfish and wishing she was here longer. I truly miss her. I don't think i've ever felt so much hurt in my life. I'm kind of scared to face the rest of my life without my grandma here, she was everything to me. My role model, my counselor, everything. The service was really hard on me. Tears pretty much started rolling down my cheeks once i got to the church. When we finally sat down in the chapel it all hit. The casket was open and i could see her laying there. She looked so beautiful but i had to look away the first few times. I just can't beleive she's gone, and i really didn't truly believe it until yesterday.
She was buried into a family plot in Madera and i plan on visiting as often as possible. This past week has been hard and i know the rest of this month will just get harder. But, our God is an amazing God and i know i can turn to him for comfort. I am deeply saddened but it puts a smile on my face to know that she is with our heavenly father, preparing the tables for us; for her family. I know one day i will see her again, but until then she will be dearly missed. For now, i hope to make her proud, i hope there's at least a small fraction of Grandma in me.
I love her and miss her more than anyone could imagine. My last words to her just ring in my head over and over. I never thought when i said "I love you Grandma, goodbye, I'll be back to morrow" those would be my last words to her. I didn't want to leave her that night, and maybe i shouldn't have, but she always made it a point for me to go to school and get my education. I didn't want to leave her yesterday. It was literally like a part of me was being torn out when i walked away from her casket at the grave site. It's reality, she's gone, and in a better place, but I still wish for just a little more time with her.
Tuesday, September 4, 2007
87 inspiring years....
My grandmother had recently been admitted to the hospital because of heart problems. She had been there four days until her body finally gave out today at 10:15 am. I don't even know what to say to this news seeing as i'm sort of in denial myself. I mean, i know she's gone...I was there to see her body laying on the bed (I missed her death by ten minutes). I was there with her, all weekend, watching her stuggle in and out of consciousness. I was there to give her one last kiss as the nurse prepared to move her body into the morgue downstairs. I know she's gone, but it's just so hard to beleive. It's so hard to beleive that my role model, my grandmother, mother, support system, fan, all in one, is actually gone. I just wanted to pick up the phone this afternoon and dial her number, praying this was all just some messed up dream but i know it's not. Today is the day i have been dreading for years, and now that it's here, i feel so lost.
I do feel some comfort though in knowing that she's home. I know she is now home with the Lord and that she is looking down at all of us. She was an AMAZING woman with some amazing spiritual gifts. I want to be just like her, i want my faith in the Lord to be just like hers.
It was nice seeing how many people's lives my grandmother affected. Many visitors came in this weekend from the old church and around time. Family flew in and drove in from all over to be at her side as she struggled this weekend and i am happy to say that just about all her family and friends got to see her just one last time.
I was so scared to leave her side all weekend. I truly didn't want to lose my grandma, my foundation, my best friend, but i know that her time was up and i knew that the Lord was calling for her...I just wish i could have a little more time, but don't we all?
I don't want to be sad because i know she wouldn't want me to shed too many tears but i just can't help it. It was so heartbreaking to watch Grandpa at her bedside, crying silent tears and just staring at her as she laid there. It broke my heart when he said, "I lost the love of my life".
At 87, my grandma was more than just Dorothy Mae Whitehead. She was a mother, a wife, a grandmother, a great-grandmother, a beleiver and probably the most stable person in my life. She was my mother as well as my grandmother and she was my rock. Grandma always new how to cheer me up, even when i would never admit anything was wrong. She was always there for me, sacrificing herself and her needs jsut put a smile on my face. Without her, i wouldn't be the person i am today...So, i am sad, but i know her 87 years were filled with joy and great memories. I only pray that i could be half of what she was because she was nothing short of amazing. So here's to grandma: I promise to make you proud.
I do feel some comfort though in knowing that she's home. I know she is now home with the Lord and that she is looking down at all of us. She was an AMAZING woman with some amazing spiritual gifts. I want to be just like her, i want my faith in the Lord to be just like hers.
It was nice seeing how many people's lives my grandmother affected. Many visitors came in this weekend from the old church and around time. Family flew in and drove in from all over to be at her side as she struggled this weekend and i am happy to say that just about all her family and friends got to see her just one last time.
I was so scared to leave her side all weekend. I truly didn't want to lose my grandma, my foundation, my best friend, but i know that her time was up and i knew that the Lord was calling for her...I just wish i could have a little more time, but don't we all?
I don't want to be sad because i know she wouldn't want me to shed too many tears but i just can't help it. It was so heartbreaking to watch Grandpa at her bedside, crying silent tears and just staring at her as she laid there. It broke my heart when he said, "I lost the love of my life".
At 87, my grandma was more than just Dorothy Mae Whitehead. She was a mother, a wife, a grandmother, a great-grandmother, a beleiver and probably the most stable person in my life. She was my mother as well as my grandmother and she was my rock. Grandma always new how to cheer me up, even when i would never admit anything was wrong. She was always there for me, sacrificing herself and her needs jsut put a smile on my face. Without her, i wouldn't be the person i am today...So, i am sad, but i know her 87 years were filled with joy and great memories. I only pray that i could be half of what she was because she was nothing short of amazing. So here's to grandma: I promise to make you proud.
Friday, August 24, 2007
CSU Fresno
So, today has been quite a busy day. I moved into the dorms at CSU Fresno (woot woot!). Purty exciting stuff, eh? Anyways, everything went pretty smoothly. Met a few new people, saw a classmate of mine. My roommate is cool, that was a huge relief. So, yeah, just ready for the college life now i suppose. School starts on monday so i'll probly be bored in my dorm all weekend (someone come rescue me?). I'm ready for college, or, well, i think that i'm ready for college. We'll see on Monday i suppose. It's kind of crazy being here. It's like everything you've worked so hard for is finally here....Kinda a relief i guess...Anyways, i'll post some more later, not really in a typing mode...
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Peaceful Update
So, i haven't written since Spirit West Coast ended so i thought i would do a little update:
Well, not a whole lot has been going on. Just wrapping up my last couple of days of work ^_^
Then, Thursday, I'm off to Auburn to visit the kids and my mom as well as some missed friends. Hopefully this trip will go well, we'll see.
Everything is pretty calm and steady in my life at the moment. I definitely give thanks to God for that. He has truely given me some amazing peace in some extremely hard times this summer. I battled some addictions but quickly got over them and i'm happy to say i'm healthy and in the right state of mind.
School is getting ready to start and i'm extremely excited for that. I move in on Friday the 24th, it's definitely going to be awesome. My horse has to stay in bakersfield though until labor day weekend, moving her up there the weekend i move in would just be too much all at once.
Well, honestly, that's about it. Just a pretty normal peaceful life at this point in time. I'm very happy with myself and i can't wait for the fall semester to start :)
Well, not a whole lot has been going on. Just wrapping up my last couple of days of work ^_^
Then, Thursday, I'm off to Auburn to visit the kids and my mom as well as some missed friends. Hopefully this trip will go well, we'll see.
Everything is pretty calm and steady in my life at the moment. I definitely give thanks to God for that. He has truely given me some amazing peace in some extremely hard times this summer. I battled some addictions but quickly got over them and i'm happy to say i'm healthy and in the right state of mind.
School is getting ready to start and i'm extremely excited for that. I move in on Friday the 24th, it's definitely going to be awesome. My horse has to stay in bakersfield though until labor day weekend, moving her up there the weekend i move in would just be too much all at once.
Well, honestly, that's about it. Just a pretty normal peaceful life at this point in time. I'm very happy with myself and i can't wait for the fall semester to start :)
Sunday, August 5, 2007
An Amazing Trip
So, SWC (Spirit West Coast) was just amazing! I saw so many bands and had some pretty awesome memories. I learned a lot from some of the speakers i saw as well as testimonies from many of the bands. The weather was beautiful and i must say that i'm kind of sad to be back in this heat. I am, however, happy to be sleeping in an actual bed now!
SWC was definitely an eye opener for me, and it came at the perfect time in my life and at the perfect time this summer. There were moments when God really spoke to me, he really opened my heart and i really surrendered to him. I surrendred everything to Him and that was amazing and it is still an amazing feeling. This trip has strengthened my faith so much and i hope that it did the same for others. It wasn't just a music festival, it was a way to experience God through the things i love. It was a way to reach out to God, to get out of my box, to become vulnerable for God. Some of the artists testimonies really spoke to me and some of their lyrics were so powerful. I have come to so many realizations, i have found my peace again. I know my faith is here to stay this time. No more on and off with God, He is here, and He has my full, undivided attention. I want to live my life for Him. I want to spread His word, i want to make Him proud. I know i will always have obstacles to battle, and sometimes i may lose my way but God is here, right now, with me. SWC was an amazing experience for me and i can't wait for next year.
SWC was definitely an eye opener for me, and it came at the perfect time in my life and at the perfect time this summer. There were moments when God really spoke to me, he really opened my heart and i really surrendered to him. I surrendred everything to Him and that was amazing and it is still an amazing feeling. This trip has strengthened my faith so much and i hope that it did the same for others. It wasn't just a music festival, it was a way to experience God through the things i love. It was a way to reach out to God, to get out of my box, to become vulnerable for God. Some of the artists testimonies really spoke to me and some of their lyrics were so powerful. I have come to so many realizations, i have found my peace again. I know my faith is here to stay this time. No more on and off with God, He is here, and He has my full, undivided attention. I want to live my life for Him. I want to spread His word, i want to make Him proud. I know i will always have obstacles to battle, and sometimes i may lose my way but God is here, right now, with me. SWC was an amazing experience for me and i can't wait for next year.
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