Ah, the subject Steve is so tired of hearing about: What the heck am I going to do/Where am I going to be in the next few years? AKA, COLLEGE?! Okay, so I've probably beaten this one to death but i have to weigh out my pros and cons. Some input from YOU would always be appreciated eventhough i know that this decision is completely mine to make.
Choice A: Stay at CSU Fresno
Um, yeah, like it says. I could stay at CSU Fresno and do business or ag business and just keep on truckin. Problem: I don't like Fresno! Also, I just don't really feel like it's where I'm suppose to be. SO, it's a possibility to stay but not a very likely one.
Choice B: Cal Poly?
So, I could transfer to Poly as a Junior. Good thing: Poly is freakin awesome! I already know some people there and they are pretty cool. Also, it is so gorgeous and I've always wanted to live near the coast. Problem: I just may not be able to get in and even if I do what am I going to major in?
Choice C: Azusa, Biola, Life Pacific, etc...
I could go the route of a Christian college and to Christian Ministry. Problem: Totally new places where I know nobody and I'm farther from home. But, this is something that I think God may want me to do. I'm not quite sure yet, It'll take a lot of praying but it is definitely awesome. I would love to work in a church and use those organization skills God gave me!
Choice D: CSU Bakersfield
Yeah, kind of a step backwards but not really. The positives: I would live rent free, be close to Steve, study business, and eventually maybe take over my Dad's business. That would be a great opportunity (and a great salary) but I don't know if its what i really want for my life. If i did CSUB i would be able to settle down faster and have a steady income but i would also have to sacrifice a lot by moving back home and being so committed to the business...
So, yeah...there's a lot to think about... Basically, I need to figure out what the heck i want to do with my life. Kind of hard to figure out when you're 18 and so new to everything. So, please keep in your prayers, that God will guide my decision and that, in the end, i will be happy and successful (not necessarily financially successful, just happy and on track with God). Once again, input is always great!
Monday, March 10, 2008
Sunday, March 9, 2008
Love Bako
Saturday (Yesterday) was pretty much an awesome day! Got to sleep in a bit, that's always good! Then, breakfast at the club, and then 18 holes of GOLF! Oh My! Haha, I have NEVER played 18 holes before so it was quite the experience. I didn't suck as bad as i thought I would, thanks to the awesome help of Steve! I hit some good ones, and I hit some really bad ones but the point was just being able to be outside for a few hours and enjoy God's creation because it was just a beautiful day.
After golf i took a much needed nap! Then, we went to the Bakersfield Condor's game. For those of you who don't know, its Ice Hockey. The condors lost to Idaho but I wasn't really there to watch the game. WE had one of the box suite things with a bunch of coworkers so i really had a blast catching up with everyone and of course i loved spending that time with Steve as well. He fits in everywhere i go :).
So, yeah, that was my day. Pretty awesome. Just reiterates why I love comeing back to Bakersfield...
After golf i took a much needed nap! Then, we went to the Bakersfield Condor's game. For those of you who don't know, its Ice Hockey. The condors lost to Idaho but I wasn't really there to watch the game. WE had one of the box suite things with a bunch of coworkers so i really had a blast catching up with everyone and of course i loved spending that time with Steve as well. He fits in everywhere i go :).
So, yeah, that was my day. Pretty awesome. Just reiterates why I love comeing back to Bakersfield...
Tuesday, March 4, 2008
Serving Him
Life doesn't always turn out like you planned. In fact, in my case, life seems to be nothing like you thought it would. But that's the great thing that i am discovering. My life has been full of ups and downs. Especially with God. One minute I loved Him and the next minute I was following his polar opposite. It's just amazing how he has NEVER once let go of me. I ran as far away from Him as possible but His love has drawn me back and I am more committed and willing than ever.
One of the questions that i have been pondering for a couple weeks now is: How am I going to serve God? I don't want to live a life and have my faith on the side, i want my faith to be at the center of my life (haha, just realized that relates back to winter conference). So, i wanted to try and figure this out by first taking a look into my past. My life wasn't the easiest, but no one's is. I have a drama queen for a mother but the polar opposite for a father. A silent and stern step-father but a compassionate and talkative step-mother. It's like living in two worlds. The bridge over this gap was my Grandmother. God really molded something special when he created her. Anyways, what I'm trying to get to is God has continually placed challenges in front of me. I've stumbled through some. crawled through others, and just plain failed in some areas. The point is, God has made me strong. One thing that I am good at is taking malicious criticism. Throw at me what you will but at the end of the day it really won't phase me or change who I am. My life, all the way up to this very moment, has been about God shaping my heart for the future, shaping it to serve Him. I came to college thinking i wanted to do something in the ag industry but man, i was sure wrong. God has a totally different plan for me. He's directed more in the path of serving Him through the church or possibly through missions. I really don't know exactly what His plan is but I trust Him. So, with that trust comes the leap of faith. I've been checking out some Bible colleges and I believe that may be what God is conveying to me. I just feel led to work directly for Him, in His house. What an amazing thing that would be. So I am continuously praying that he may show me the way. I want my life to serve God fully, that is truly my heart's desire.
One of the questions that i have been pondering for a couple weeks now is: How am I going to serve God? I don't want to live a life and have my faith on the side, i want my faith to be at the center of my life (haha, just realized that relates back to winter conference). So, i wanted to try and figure this out by first taking a look into my past. My life wasn't the easiest, but no one's is. I have a drama queen for a mother but the polar opposite for a father. A silent and stern step-father but a compassionate and talkative step-mother. It's like living in two worlds. The bridge over this gap was my Grandmother. God really molded something special when he created her. Anyways, what I'm trying to get to is God has continually placed challenges in front of me. I've stumbled through some. crawled through others, and just plain failed in some areas. The point is, God has made me strong. One thing that I am good at is taking malicious criticism. Throw at me what you will but at the end of the day it really won't phase me or change who I am. My life, all the way up to this very moment, has been about God shaping my heart for the future, shaping it to serve Him. I came to college thinking i wanted to do something in the ag industry but man, i was sure wrong. God has a totally different plan for me. He's directed more in the path of serving Him through the church or possibly through missions. I really don't know exactly what His plan is but I trust Him. So, with that trust comes the leap of faith. I've been checking out some Bible colleges and I believe that may be what God is conveying to me. I just feel led to work directly for Him, in His house. What an amazing thing that would be. So I am continuously praying that he may show me the way. I want my life to serve God fully, that is truly my heart's desire.
Monday, February 25, 2008
To God Be The Glory!
Oh my gosh, what an AMAZING weekend! God really moved this week and he touched so many people. It was just so amazing to be a part of it! You see, Friday was the first night of the InterVarsity Winter Conference in Bakersfield and it lasted all the way until Sunday afternoon. We stayed in the First Presbyterian Church of Bakersfield the whole weekend and it was a pretty awesome experience. About 200 InterVarsity students showed up to strengthen their relationship with God.
I was in Track 1: Identity. Basically, this track was all about finding your identity in God and putting him first in your life. We did four small seminars (about 25 minutes or so) that dealt with Relationships, Money, Sexuality, and Community. I really enjoyed the first one, the other three really didn't spark too much in me.
The relationship seminar really got the wheels turning in my head especially since i really want Steve and I to make it and I really want God to be the center of us. Looking back at my notes from this seminar, one of the things that stuck out to me was "Make sure that God has your heart first! Two broken people coming together will just produce one broken relationship." So true! No matter what, God ALWAYS has to come first in order to have a healthy relationship that glorifies God. It was a pretty cool seminar.
That night, Jessica Bauer (InterVarsity Staff Member) spoke to us about "The Real Good News". This was an amazing experience. I obvioulsy know that God forgives us for our sins but the way she presented this was so hard-hitting. One thing from her session that keeps playing in my mind is that there is nothing that you have done that is too horrific for God. NOTHING! That was amazing news to me because sometimes i really don't feel worthy of God's love because i am a sinner and my relationship really wasn't one that glorifies God. She told us about having a repentant heart and how that means to have a true desire to change and do things GOD's way. This is where God hit me over the head with a sledgehammer (metaphorically of course). It was such and intense, emotion filled moment. I honestly heard the audible God and i haven't heard Him in so long! He told me that I need to follow Him and His word. I cannot make my own rules for my life, he has already set them for me. In order to grow closer to God i had to remove everything that was keeping me from Him. It's kinda like a cavity, you cannot put a cap over a decayed tooth without getting all of the decay out of there (thanks Layla!). That's what i had to do and man, this is not going to be easy. I re-dedicated my life to God and following HIS rules. This meant that I had to talk to Steve.
I was nervous to tell him what God has done in my life and what he was telling me. After being sexually active for over four years I had to put an end to it. Telling someone that you've been sexually active with that you can no longer be sexual with them isn't easy. I was so surprised and happy that he was incredibly supportive of it. So, I'm so excited for us! God is moving in me and in us and it is such an exciting time. I'm glad that we can have God as the MAIN focus of our relationship and begin to glorify Him through our actions.
I ask you to please pray for Steve and I. This isn't going to be easy for us but in the long run we truly believe that this will make us a stronger couple.
Praise to God for all of His amazing lessons!
I was in Track 1: Identity. Basically, this track was all about finding your identity in God and putting him first in your life. We did four small seminars (about 25 minutes or so) that dealt with Relationships, Money, Sexuality, and Community. I really enjoyed the first one, the other three really didn't spark too much in me.
The relationship seminar really got the wheels turning in my head especially since i really want Steve and I to make it and I really want God to be the center of us. Looking back at my notes from this seminar, one of the things that stuck out to me was "Make sure that God has your heart first! Two broken people coming together will just produce one broken relationship." So true! No matter what, God ALWAYS has to come first in order to have a healthy relationship that glorifies God. It was a pretty cool seminar.
That night, Jessica Bauer (InterVarsity Staff Member) spoke to us about "The Real Good News". This was an amazing experience. I obvioulsy know that God forgives us for our sins but the way she presented this was so hard-hitting. One thing from her session that keeps playing in my mind is that there is nothing that you have done that is too horrific for God. NOTHING! That was amazing news to me because sometimes i really don't feel worthy of God's love because i am a sinner and my relationship really wasn't one that glorifies God. She told us about having a repentant heart and how that means to have a true desire to change and do things GOD's way. This is where God hit me over the head with a sledgehammer (metaphorically of course). It was such and intense, emotion filled moment. I honestly heard the audible God and i haven't heard Him in so long! He told me that I need to follow Him and His word. I cannot make my own rules for my life, he has already set them for me. In order to grow closer to God i had to remove everything that was keeping me from Him. It's kinda like a cavity, you cannot put a cap over a decayed tooth without getting all of the decay out of there (thanks Layla!). That's what i had to do and man, this is not going to be easy. I re-dedicated my life to God and following HIS rules. This meant that I had to talk to Steve.
I was nervous to tell him what God has done in my life and what he was telling me. After being sexually active for over four years I had to put an end to it. Telling someone that you've been sexually active with that you can no longer be sexual with them isn't easy. I was so surprised and happy that he was incredibly supportive of it. So, I'm so excited for us! God is moving in me and in us and it is such an exciting time. I'm glad that we can have God as the MAIN focus of our relationship and begin to glorify Him through our actions.
I ask you to please pray for Steve and I. This isn't going to be easy for us but in the long run we truly believe that this will make us a stronger couple.
Praise to God for all of His amazing lessons!
Monday, February 18, 2008
Re-Write
Okay, the last blog really didn't reflect at all what I wanted to say. I was too worried about offending people so lets try this one again:
This weekend was a pretty good one. Friday and Saturday night I stayed at Bryan's lake house with him, Steve, Kevin, and Mantor. On Saturday night Brad and Ryan came up as well. We had a pretty fun time. Friday night we had an awesome bonfire and pretty much just sat there and drank. We played some drinking games when we went back to the house and then hit the hay. Vibrant Kevin woke us all up (well, Mantor was able to sleep through it) to go "hunting". This means we took a pellet gun and went looking for things to shoot at. Well, we really didn't find anything but Kevin did find a pretty sweet paddle boat. So, we pushed that into the deeper part of the creek and paddled around for a bit. Bryan and Steve joined us. A pretty funny picture actually... All four of us in a tiny paddle boat with Steve standing up trying to find fish to shoot at in the water, Ha. After that was lunch, then pretty much the rest of the day was filled with redneck activities. It was pretty awesome. Brad and Ryan showed up around 2am i believe. I was pretty much asleep when they got there.
Steve and I left at about 10 or so to go back to Fresno on Sunday. I am NEVER happy to return to Fresno but the Daytona 500 race was on at noon and Steve did NOT want to miss that. I was originally going to do homework and such while he went to Tanner's to watch the race but after about 30 min at the apartment several people showed up and I really didn't feel like being there alone with them so i tagged along. Nascar wasn't as boring as i thought it would be. I learned quite a bit about it on Sunday and I think i actually enjoyed it. Not as good as football but i kind of like it, lol. Yeah, this weekend was definitely a redneck weekend!
So, Nascar took up the majority of the afternoon. After that we went to eat at the RDH and then just hung out at the apartment for a bit. At about 10 or so people started coming over. A few girls came over that I didn't know but that was okay. It was kinda an awkward situation quite honestly. It definitely reminded why I really don't like being at the apartment. As long as Steve is there it isn't so bad. No major incidents this time, thank God, but several things did piss me off quite a bit. I think I hid it well but I don't know. I don't want to be a bitch but some things got really close to crossing the line. Oh well, no harm no foul i guess?
Anyways, that was my weekend. Pretty normal. I'm definitely looking forward to the winter conference in bakersfield next weekend and having some major God time. I definitely need it. Also, my parents will be home so I will spend some time with them and we'll try to get this whole changing college thing figured out. I really want out of this town ASAP and I think God is ready to move me as well. i guess we'll see...
This weekend was a pretty good one. Friday and Saturday night I stayed at Bryan's lake house with him, Steve, Kevin, and Mantor. On Saturday night Brad and Ryan came up as well. We had a pretty fun time. Friday night we had an awesome bonfire and pretty much just sat there and drank. We played some drinking games when we went back to the house and then hit the hay. Vibrant Kevin woke us all up (well, Mantor was able to sleep through it) to go "hunting". This means we took a pellet gun and went looking for things to shoot at. Well, we really didn't find anything but Kevin did find a pretty sweet paddle boat. So, we pushed that into the deeper part of the creek and paddled around for a bit. Bryan and Steve joined us. A pretty funny picture actually... All four of us in a tiny paddle boat with Steve standing up trying to find fish to shoot at in the water, Ha. After that was lunch, then pretty much the rest of the day was filled with redneck activities. It was pretty awesome. Brad and Ryan showed up around 2am i believe. I was pretty much asleep when they got there.
Steve and I left at about 10 or so to go back to Fresno on Sunday. I am NEVER happy to return to Fresno but the Daytona 500 race was on at noon and Steve did NOT want to miss that. I was originally going to do homework and such while he went to Tanner's to watch the race but after about 30 min at the apartment several people showed up and I really didn't feel like being there alone with them so i tagged along. Nascar wasn't as boring as i thought it would be. I learned quite a bit about it on Sunday and I think i actually enjoyed it. Not as good as football but i kind of like it, lol. Yeah, this weekend was definitely a redneck weekend!
So, Nascar took up the majority of the afternoon. After that we went to eat at the RDH and then just hung out at the apartment for a bit. At about 10 or so people started coming over. A few girls came over that I didn't know but that was okay. It was kinda an awkward situation quite honestly. It definitely reminded why I really don't like being at the apartment. As long as Steve is there it isn't so bad. No major incidents this time, thank God, but several things did piss me off quite a bit. I think I hid it well but I don't know. I don't want to be a bitch but some things got really close to crossing the line. Oh well, no harm no foul i guess?
Anyways, that was my weekend. Pretty normal. I'm definitely looking forward to the winter conference in bakersfield next weekend and having some major God time. I definitely need it. Also, my parents will be home so I will spend some time with them and we'll try to get this whole changing college thing figured out. I really want out of this town ASAP and I think God is ready to move me as well. i guess we'll see...
Weekend
Hmmm...Well, this weekend was actually a pretty good one. Got out of Fresno for about the 4th week in a row now, that always makes me happy. Friday was Bryan's Birthday and he invited some people over to his lakehouse for a couple nights. Steve and I stayed Friday and Saturday and we definitely had a good time. The lakehouse was pretty basic. There was no bedrooms in it nor bathrooms. You had to walk to the bathroom that was away from the house. It was still pretty awesome though. We were right on the lake. I really didn't hink we would be THAT close. On Saturday energetic Kevin woke us all up at about 9 to go shooting and what not. We ended up finding a paddle boat and dragged it into the little creek thing i guess you could call it. Pretty fun actually. So, Saturday was pretty much filled with lots of sun and good old fashioned fun. Mantor and Kevin found a pretty big canoe and they were pretty much on the lake all day drinking beers and having a good time. The weekend totally brought the redneck out of all of us. Thanks Bryan!!!
So, Steve and I came back Sunday afternoon so that he could go watch Nascar at Tanner's. I originally wasn't going to go with him but there were some issues so i tagged along. I actually learned a lot about Nascar. Scarily, i really didn't find it that boring. Football is still much better but Nascar isn't as bad as i originally thought it was. So, that was pretty cool. That took up most of our afternoon. Later in the evening some people came over to the apartment. Some of them I knew and some of them I didn't. It was okay. Kinda awkward but not bad i suppose.
So, yeah, that was my weekend. Not extremely exciting but it was nice, for the most part. :)
So, Steve and I came back Sunday afternoon so that he could go watch Nascar at Tanner's. I originally wasn't going to go with him but there were some issues so i tagged along. I actually learned a lot about Nascar. Scarily, i really didn't find it that boring. Football is still much better but Nascar isn't as bad as i originally thought it was. So, that was pretty cool. That took up most of our afternoon. Later in the evening some people came over to the apartment. Some of them I knew and some of them I didn't. It was okay. Kinda awkward but not bad i suppose.
So, yeah, that was my weekend. Not extremely exciting but it was nice, for the most part. :)
Monday, February 11, 2008
Decisions...
For those of you who don't know, I have a pretty tough decision to make here in the next few months. Fresno has been, well, an interesting experience and I'm pretty much over this town. I am hoping to transfer to Cal Poly San Luis Obispo but I am unable to do that until at least Spring '09, maybe even later. So, i can either stick it out one or two more semesters at CSU Fresno or I can go home and attend BC or CSUB while waiting to get into Cal Poly. I really don't want to stay in Fresno for so many reasons. On the other hand, I have some amazing friends up here that I am going to miss dearly. Also, if I moved back to Bakersfield I would be living with my parents once again and that just seems like a giant step backwards. Yet, if i were to live in Bako again I would be gauranteed my old job (i'll be working there over the summer no matter what) and i could work in between classes and such. That would definitely be nice for my wallet but it isn't really necessary. Also, Steve may be going back to Bako as well if everything for the KCSO (Kern County Sheriff's Office) goes through. So, it would be nice to stay close to Steve for a little while longer. Yet again, I want to go to Cal Poly no matter what so, inevitably, Steve and I will have to deal with distance at some point. I just don't know if it would be best to deal with that sooner or later. So, I've got a lot to think about: Stick it out in Fresno and then go to Cal Poly or move back home for some time and then transfer. I definitely will be praying for God to show me what He wants, your prayers would be helpful as well. Thanks.
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